Having Hard Conversations Is Worth It, Every Time
Just f*cking talk to them, boo.
Happy February, friends!
Quick update before you get into the goods: Did you know that you can now listen to my posts? Yep, yep! Just tap the play button above ⬆️ to hear me, your favorite Coach & Advisor, reading I Make the Rules for your listening pleasure.
And now back to our program…
With January behind us, I hope your priorities for the year are clear, and you’re fiercely focused on kicking some serious ass 🤘🏼🤘🏼. I’m coming off a few days in Austin, facilitating strategic planning sessions, and I feel fantastic!
This time of year is full of promise, and that fired-up momentum needs protection. With that in mind, it’s my duty as your trusted dealer of wisdom to call attention to a silent saboteur that could derail your beautiful plans:
The conversations you aren’t having.
Yes, yes, I know I’m stifling your LFG energy just mentioning that, but the discomfort you now feel is exactly the reason this elephant in the room must be addressed. By not having those conversations, you’re allowing them to squat in your brain, preventing you from pouring your full self into achieving those big, juicy goals!
Now, I have a few clients who will read this and believe I’m speaking directly to them, and they’re not wrong. I’m speaking to every one of them, AND every one of you, because this isn’t a unique challenge. When it comes to running a business, nothing is. Whatever you’re navigating, remember you are not alone! Millions of other badass, brilliant boss ladies deal with the exact same thing.
The challenge of difficult conversations comes up with every woman I coach and advise. Even the most experienced and successful ladies avoid some conversations because this shit is hard! No matter how much I push someone to just fucking talk to the person, I never fail to acknowledge and validate their feelings of aversion or anxiety about it. Those feelings are real and wholly understandable.
But real doesn’t always mean rational. Our desire to avoid difficult conversations is likely rooted in some form of cognitive distortion—biased thought patterns that twist reality, amplify anxiety, and convince us everything is bad.
Our brains are tricky little fuckers. They seem to require zero effort to remind us of all the things that went wrong in our lives. But when it comes to finding evidence of things working out well, we have to actively seek it out. Even once we do, we often struggle to accept and believe it. Evidence or not, we tend to assign a higher probability to a bad outcome.
But that’s a complete fallacy. If I could go back and collect data on every difficult conversation I’ve ever had, witnessed, or advised on, I’m confident the results would show that 80% or more achieved the desired positive outcome. Those that didn’t typically involved an individual who needed to exit the organization, and the difficult conversation helped cement that decision. Which is also a positive outcome!
While I don’t believe there’s any magic formula to teach for having such conversations, here are a few rules of thumb I stand by:
Start from a place of purpose and intention. What do you actually want from the conversation? Clarity? A shift in behavior? Alignment going forward?
Lead with the hard thing. No beating around the bush, boo! Odds are, you both know why you’re there, and delaying the reveal will only heighten the anxiety.
Use “I” language. Channeling our therapists here! When this happens, I feel…; The way I experience this is… The moment you slip into blame or accusations, defenses go up, and progress shuts down.
Don’t do it in the heat of the moment. If you’re activated, angry, or spiraling, pause. Give your nervous system (and theirs!) time to settle.
Permission to bring notes. Having them can help you stay grounded and focused, even if you never look at them. And if you do, just say so. Most people will understand (and appreciate the vulnerability!).
Listen without interrupting. Let them finish. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when you want to defend yourself. It shows respect and builds trust.
Own your part. You don’t have to take responsibility for everything, but you do need to take responsibility for your contribution.
Assume the best, on purpose. Most people aren’t villains. They’re imperfectly human and doing their best with what they’ve got. Start there.
And finally, close with what comes next. Name any commitments, next steps, or check-ins to keep the conversation going and drive change.
You wouldn’t be where you are without having hundreds, if not thousands, of tough conversations. Critical feedback, tension with a colleague, self-advocacy, asking for more—I bet if you took the time to look back on your career, you’d find ample evidence that you CAN do it. And I’d bet extra that you have plenty of examples of achieving your desired outcome.
Trust that evidence and use it to ease your anxiety and build your confidence.
You’ve got this, boo 💪🏼.
XX. Coach Sarah.
The Takeaway
The conversations you aren’t having are putting you at risk of not getting everything you want. They’re a distraction, weighing you down, and quietly draining energy that could be going toward actually moving forward.
We’re all done with that! Put on those big-girl pants and just fucking talk to them. *Said with all the love and support in my heart 😘!*
Stack up the evidence that having the conversation pays off, and BELIEVE it! If you find yourself falling victim to a cognitive distortion, first, give yourself big kudos for self-awareness because that’s half the battle. Second, try one of these strategies to overcome it: How to Challenge Cognitive Distortions Through Cognitive Restructuring.
Your Assignment
Did a specific person pop into your head while you were reading or listening to this? That’s the one, boo. The conversation you’ve been avoiding.
Put a time block on your calendar in the next two weeks to think through how you want to have that talk. Then commit to a real day or time for actually doing it.
You’ve got this. You know you do.
And if you want support from a trusted thought partner, you know where to find me.
Extra Credit: If this post resonated, like, comment, and share it with a friend who might need the nudge. You’ll be helping all of us when you do 🫶🏼.
My Hot List
Here’s what’s keeping me focused, fired up, and feeling like myself.
Recommending: If you’re a neuroscience nerd like me, you might enjoy this quick read that goes a bit more into those pesky brain breakers messing with our mojo: How to recognize and tame your cognitive distortions.
Celebrating: A successful “nothing-new-January”! I was maybe a little loose with the wallet in the latter half of 2025, and decided to re-commit to responsible spending with a month-long reset. I’m also a big fan of buying used when possible, so this was multi-purpose! The rules were simple: other than food and necessities, I could only buy something if it was pre-owned. I did it! And plan to be better about this throughout the year.
Watching: Fallout, a sci-fi, retro-futuristic, dark-humor series based on the popular video game franchise. My “gamer” days ended with the Nintendo-64, so I’ve never played any version of Fallout, but the show is super fun! In a weird way, stepping into this fantastical post-apocalyptic world also gives my brain a little break from the anxiety of our current reality.
I love the new voiceover feature! What a gift.