Walking Away is Hard, Scary, and a Skill Worth Building

How a crazy green bird reminded me of the power of letting go

I made a big life decision, friends.

I broke my Duolingo streak.

Whew.

1,347 days. That’s more than 3.5 years of commitment to that silly little owl. He was good to me, showering me with gems and praise, encouraging my growth, cheering me on, and always reminding me to show up and do the thing.

And for a long time, I enjoyed it. My daily practice was fun, and I felt super proud of my progress. Duo was part of my morning routine, and damn did I feel like a badass when he told me I practiced earlier than 93% of his other friends. 😎

I was learning, growing, and having a good time. Until I wasn’t. Somewhere in the past few months, I noticed a decline in my enthusiasm. I stopped looking forward to it and saw it as one more thing I had to get done, like the dishes or making my own coffee when Allen wasn’t here to do it for me. UGH!

Then there was the moment Allen’s son asked me how to say a certain word in Spanish, and I DIDN’T KNOW! The shame!! 3.5+ years of practicing, and I didn’t know one stupid word?! What was I doing with my life??

But seriously, setting aside the raw truth that a gamified language-learning app isn’t going to make you bilingual, I realized I was no longer benefiting from my relationship with that adorable green bird of prey.

Duolingo or Don’t!

It wasn’t helping me grow, I wasn’t having fun, and I really just wanted to stop. At the same time, the thought of giving up that hard-earned streak made my tummy hurt a little. Even in this very low-stakes situation, where literally no one else in the world would give a hoot (🤪), I found myself struggling to walk away.

For a few more weeks, I forged on, begrudgingly doing the bare minimum to avoid the inevitable end. Then one day, I finally said no more. I announced my intentions to Allen, took a deep breath, and committed to quitting. I removed the widget, turned off notifications, and skipped my daily practice. Riveting stuff, I know. 😆

As of this post

, it’s been about two weeks, and I feel totally fucking fine about it. I don’t miss it, and I barely even think about it. I’m relieved it’s no longer taking up space in my morning routine or a thing I groan about before bed because I forgot to do it earlier in the day. Duolingo served its purpose, and it was time to let it go.

Walking away when we know we’re done is difficult. The decision may be easy, but the actual stopping, not so much. It often brings up a mix of feelings: doubt, guilt, and anxiety, but also excitement, eagerness, and yearning. When we finally act on our decision, relief rises to the top. I’m sure we can all recall evidence of this from our past—moments and periods when we released something and felt the incredible lightness that followed.

My Duolingo story is a silly one, but even the smallest moments of walking away can have a positive impact on our lives.

Here’s another story…

A colleague of mine recently broke up with their client of two years. I was the one who connected them, and at first, it was a great fit! The client had a need my colleague could meet exceptionally well, and they quickly found their rhythm and made cool stuff happen.

Now, this client was…interesting. They had some challenges with communicating directly and tended to avoid anything that might even sniff of conflict. When things were rockin’ and rollin’, those issues were easy to gloss over. But as time passed, the gloss chipped and cracked, exposing the not-so-pretty mess under the surface. What once was a minor inconvenience grew into a major frustration, and my colleague became increasingly anxious and uncertain about the engagement.

Everything in their gut said it was time to move on, but their brain kept doing that stupid, annoying thing where it pulls from millions of messages the outside world has sent us: Don’t give up! Keep doing the work! And don’t you dare disappoint anyone!

Here we had a client who was kind of sucking, and definitely not doing their part to have a productive working relationship, and my colleague was still somehow feeling like the bad guy if they walked away. Of course, I’m over here emphatically encouraging them to end things, and reminding them that when it comes to not disappointing people, they are people too.

We easily forget that in avoiding the disappointment of others, we’re often disappointing ourselves.

And listen up, boo, NO ONE matters more than you. Let them come at us with their “selfish” labels, we wholeheartedly accept. My needs come first for me, yours come first for you. It’s only when we prioritize ourselves that we can truly show up as our best for others. And when we allow things to linger in our lives that no longer serve us, we impede our ability to have a positive impact on the world around us.

It took my colleague a few months from their first feelings of maybe this is over to finally sending the breakup email (yes, I know, email is not ideal, but this client REALLY didn’t like getting on the phone, especially not about hard things).

And guess what they said as soon as they sent it? I should have listened to you sooner. As relief began to replace doubt, they realized how happy they were to be moving on. And the space this cleared for them—mental, emotional, and actual calendar space—was a beautiful gift. We are truly the best gift-givers to ourselves.

XX. Coach Sarah.

The Takeaway

So you see, friends, whether it’s leaving your language learning app or ending a two-year working relationship, walking away when you know it’s time creates space. Space for relief, peace, and the things that deserve your time, energy, and attention.

When your gut starts signaling that something that once fueled you is now draining you, pay attention. If letting go feels hard, get support from your squad. Let them remind you that holding on too long comes at a cost.

Walking away can feel scary, selfish, or like failure. But more often than not, it’s an act of courage and self-care. And as your favorite Coach always says…things that are scary are almost always worth it. 💪🏼

My Hot List

Here’s what’s keeping me focused, fired up, and feeling like myself.

Following: Coucou Tour’s search for the best summer sandal. I’m a birk girl, but totally down for something different! These ladies are doing the work for us, and I can’t wait to see what their final faves are! Mama always needs a new pair of shoes. 👡👟🥿

Planting: My porch pots! I love all things plants and flowers and gardening, so this time of year is a total joy bomb for me. Living in central NC, we have a pretty long growing season, so as soon as the threat of frost is over in early April, I’m running to the garden center to fill my porch and patio pots with blooming beauty.

Obsessing: Over Wolf Alice’s Visions of a Life album. I only discovered the band recently, and I’m totally in love! They released a new album last year, also good, but if you’re interested and wondering where to start, Visions of a Life slays. I love new music recommendations, so send them my way! 🤗